Well, I did not want to get out of bed today. Just wanted to huddle there under the covers with the entire world hidden from view. But I had to go to the restroom, so I got up!
Still not a peep from a single one of my co-workers. My flesh is screaming, crying, aching, and throwing hissy fits. I want to just stand in a corner moping and stomping my childish little feet. However, I don’t think that is appropriate behavior of a woman my age.
So, instead I keep talking to You, Lord, asking You what I should do. How I should act.
And as always, You are faithful to show me the path I need to take. My flesh would prefer to stay standing in the corner, but that wouldn’t benefit anyone!
I believe that You want me to look at this as an opportunity. An opportunity to strengthen the foundation of our ministry. Right now there has been a lot of shaking up and cracking of our foundation. The constant toxic environment between the Church and our ministry has taken its toll on everyone.
Even though the ministry is headed by a new Director, the Church still seems to be stuck with their vision for the ministry which is totally different than our current and future vision. I was tempted to call my old boss, the first Director, to talk with him about how I should handle this situation with my hurt over my co-works lack of caring. However, You, quickly let me realize that that was NOT a good idea at all.
My last Director, always put the staff’s well being first and foremost. He didn’t believe in sick leave. If someone was sick or unable to come to work then they should continue to get paid until they were well enough to return to work. Limiting the amount of days to 1 or 2 weeks often caused issues for employees who had serious health issues or had family members with serious health issues. By getting rid of sick leave, the employer ended up with loyal employees who were always willing to go above and beyond their job description. When an employer is loyal and supportive to their employees they get loyal hardworking employees in return!
Anyways, my last Director never forgot when I had appointments or a health issue. Even though he was in his late 70’s. So, naturally I wanted to call him and belly ache because he would inevitably be “on my side.” Thankfully, You cautioned me about that. All telling him would do is stress him out and potentially have my current Director hear the brunt of his anger over her handling of the situation. Not Good!
Then I remembered how he mentioned that his main concern about the new Director was that the ministry was not her sole focus. She was also the clergy in another Church. Had grandkids that she often watched. Had a boyfriend who lives in another city who she goes in visits regularly. In other words, she is pulled in several different directions. Whereas, the old Director’s sole focus was the ministry. And the other 3 of us were also solely focused on the ministry.
Now we have 9 employees instead of 3. All of them are closer to my age. Have families that they interact with on a regular basis. Several of them have other jobs, are looking for relationships, and are actively involved with other ministries in key roles. The ministry is not their sole focus. I believe for many of them it is their primary focus. Just not the sole…
I could go to a negative place as I look at all of this. But instead, You, took me to a place of opportunity. This is the perfect time for us to “shore up” our foundation, set new goals, set new boundaries, and redirect our vision!
Yes, I fell through the cracks. So we need to make sure that doesn’t happen to someone else in the future. I need to forgive them and move on. Because I was part of the old regime, I have had to take a backseat role in the ministry due to outside pressure from the Church. I was originally in the forefront of the Leadership. When the old Director retired (I say that with a bit of sarcasm since he was basically fired. Very politely of course!), it was assumed that I would remain in charge of the ministry. After all, I had been there for over 10 years and had been running it daily for 3 of those years.
Instead, the Church leadership decided to appoint a new person who had been with the ministry for about a year. She was clergy which made sense. I truly believed that You wanted her to be the Director, so I backed the decision 100%. As the new Director and I have looked back we realize that the Church was trying to drive a wedge between the two of us and get me to quit. They knew that they couldn’t fire me without cause a huge ruckus since I had been there so long. The Church leadership did several other things to try and make me quit. Unfortunately, for them, I never felt like You, Lord, were telling me to quit. So, I stuck it out!
I looked at the change in rank and position as an opportunity to pursue areas of the ministry that I loved to do. The creative aspects. The communications, graphic design, marketing, and social media. At times, it was a bitter pill to swallow. But my comfort came from the fact that I was doing what I loved to do and I was doing it for You! (I know my attitude didn’t reflect that more times than I care to admit!)
In order to be removed, even farther out of the lime light, I began to work from home except for one day a week. We were going for the whole out of sight, out of mind. Out of sight of the Church that is!
The collateral damage of the “out of sight, out of mind” is that it worked too well. Not only did I disappear off the Church’s radar, I think it bled over into the ministry’s radar too!
I am sure my not being in the office each day does push me and my life issues to the back of everyone’s brain. Just like my not being in charge of the ministry any more pushed me to the back burner. But my flesh still screams out to be noticed! SEE ME! It demands.
That brings us to the current situation. Me feeling rejected that no one remembered I had a big appointment with a Nephrologist. And then once they found out, still no one taking the time to call me and see if I need to talk or if I was alright. A crack in the foundation of the ministry. Caring for the staff is a big part of a ministry’s firm foundation.
So, the opportunity is what?
The opportunity is for me to recognize that this whole scenario since the last Director retired is a plan of the enemy to crack and break up the foundation of this ministry. As a staff member, I am a target of his. All of us are targets. Because, I am from the old school part of the staff I needed to be gone. He has tried to get me to quit from one rejection after another from the Church. And now that there are cracks in the foundation (from the constant toxic environment we are in) he is trying to demolish the foundations through those weak spots. This rejection of me by the staff is his attempt at demolition!
My flesh wants to quit and never go back to my job. But I do not feel like You are telling me to quit at all, Lord! I think You are saying look at this opportunity I have placed before you, daughter. An opportunity to thwart the enemies plan to destroy the ministry’s foundation. Instead of running away from the ministry – run towards it. Be present for a little bit each day. Be present. Like I showed you at the beginning of the year. PRESENT!
So, the plan that I believe You have placed on my heart is this:
- Go in on Monday and receive prayer. Forgive the staff members
- Meet with the Director on Monday to discuss how the rejection made me feel and how I believe it is an attack on the ministry. Not just an individual
- Be present for at least an hour each day in the office. (That equals the 5 hours I worked on Wednesdays each week)
- Pray together as a team for the upcoming opportunities and changes.
- Give up my fleshly reactions each time they rear their ugly head. As many times a day as needed. Speak them out to the Lord.
I think that is a good place to start, Lord. I think all of those actions are doable! And thank you for giving me a plan of action!
God Stop: Please help me to let go of any feelings of rejection, hurt, bitterness, and anger I have towards my co-workers. Help me to reframe this entire situation so that I see it as an opportunity to build a stronger foundation.
Please help me to give my hurt to You whenever I think about the fact that no one from work has even contacted me to see what the Dr. said or how I am doing. I give the hurt to You, Lord. Take it out of my heart. Help me to remember that You are my Comforter.
And thank You for this new opportunity that is ahead of us.
I Love You!