May 6, 2018

Hi!  It’s been a while.

Oh, how easy it is to get distracted and sidetracked from writing You.  I don’t even have a good excuse to offer.  I simply let other things take precedence over talking with You.

A lot has happened since we last spoke.  My job is having a change a venue.  Which is a HUGE deal.  We truly feel like the vision that You have given us, Lord, is different than the vision they have.  The good news is that we are parting on amicable terms.  We didn’t think that would ever be able to happen, but it has!  Thank You, Lord.  I know that is all You!

I was going to type, “the bad news is…”, but it’s not bad news at all.  It is simply different news than we were expecting.  We are going to need to be our own standalone 501c3.  We won’t be going under another religious organization again.  We thought we would be going under a larger group of our current organization, but if they add more employees it takes them into a different non-profit bracket.  Which is too expensive for us to pay the difference.  This means we will have to find a way for our employees to have insurance and retirement benefits.

The good news is that this means we can look around and get some good deals.  It also gives us the chance to build our 501c3 from the ground up the way we feel led by You!  So, I can’t call that bad news.  It is just more work than we were expecting.

I am trying to look at this as an opportunity for us to grow and become all we were intended to become as a ministry.  And I realize that it is time for me to grow with the ministry.  This is a good chance for me to re-dedicate myself to my job.  And to truly do my work as if I am doing unto You, Lord.

I am feeling led to really limit my interaction with Mr. B and the game.  I don’t need to be playing or talking to him during work hours.  Those hours need to be dedicated to You.  Not only do we have a lot of work ahead of us that will be keeping me busy, but in order for me to be fully present and serving You I don’t need him as a distraction.

I am sure that this is heading towards stopping my communication with Mr. B.  Oh my goodness, I had a hard time even typing that, Lord.  I wanted to write anything but the word STOPPING. The thought of not talking to him makes me edgy.  I don’t like thinking about it.  Not at all!

During Church today, I asked myself this question:

Are you willing to give up Mr. B for God?

My head said “yes,” but if I am honest, my heart said, “I don’t wanna.”  Lord, I know what I need to choose.  I know what I should want to choose.  But I can’t lie to You, I want to avoid that choice at all costs.  I want to cling to Mr. B.  I want to keep him to myself.  Not bring You into that relationship.  That is the horrible truth.

God Stop: Lord, please help me to be willing to give my relationship with Mr. B to You.  I know that You will know what I need to do with that relationship.  Obviously, I am incapable on my own to have it be a healthy relationship.  I need Your help.

Please forgive me for not evening wanting to pray that, Lord.  I almost regret having written it.  But I do believe it is what I need to be praying.  I really need Your help in this area.  Mr. B is a good person, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a good person for me to be in relationship with.

This makes me sad.  But I know that I know that You always have my best interests at heart, Lord!  It’s not always what my heart wants, but my heart is not always wise!

 The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
and desperately wicked.
Who really knows how bad it is?
Jeremiah 17:9

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