April 26, 2018

Thank You, Lord!

Thank for 9 hours of sleep!  I really can’t remember the last time I had 9 hours of sleep.  I usually go on between 3-5 hours.  I am trying to get on a more regular sleeping schedule.  That is one of the things the Mayo Clinic says people with chronic diseases need to do…get enough sleep.

So by not talking to Mr. B or playing the game, I actually went to bed at 10:50 pm last night.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I went to bed before 12 am.  It has been years!

Yesterday, I let Mr. B know that I wouldn’t be able to be online until Monday.  I told him that he would need to play all my players.  I told him it was because I wasn’t feeling well.  Which is true…emotionally!  Physically, I feel pretty much like I always do.

Achy, runny goopy eyes, tired, depression that comes and goes…

He asked if I could set the one player’s shield – the one he doesn’t have.  I said I couldn’t because I didn’t have the device.  Which is true since I was in the office.  Then he asked if I was going to the hospital.  And I said, I didn’t know where I was going.

Bad me for lying.  I think I wanted to add a bit of drama to get him to care.  BAD ME!  Then I started worrying about lying and didn’t want something to happen for real.  So I texted this morning saying only:

No hospital.

Please forgive me for being so manipulative, Lord.  It is not behavior that I am proud of.  I seem to do it when I am trying to separate from someone emotionally.  It’s like I want to know they still care even while I am walking out the door.  So, very, emotionally immature of me!  Grrrrrrrr…

But the one good thing that came out of it is that since I wasn’t playing the game or talking on the IM app last night I was able to go to bed early.  Those two things are definitely the culprits of my staying up late!

Once again, I am back to the word balance.  I am so all or nothing, Lord!  I remember when Ms. L prayed for balance over my life several years ago.  I knew at the time that was exactly what I needed in my life.  And now, I am back to that again.

As I was typing something came to my mind.  I need to ask Your forgiveness for a couple of things.  So that is how I am going to end my letter today.

God Stop: Lord, please forgive me for all the times that I step out of Your balance in my life.  You have things perfectly balanced.  Yet, when I choose to stray from You that balance gets skewed.  Please help me not to stray.

Please forgive me for spending over $40k on a stupid game, Lord.  What a waste of the money that You have given me.  Help me to be a good steward of the financial blessings You have given me.  Let me start thinking before I spend.

Please forgive me for manipulating Mr. B.  I know it is a desperate attempt on my part to have him show me he cares.  Help me to just see him as a an online friend…nothing more.  Please renew my mind in regards to the cyber crush.  Set me free from those feelings.

Thank you.



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