Thank You, Lord!
Thank for 9 hours of sleep! I really can’t remember the last time I had 9 hours of sleep. I usually go on between 3-5 hours. I am trying to get on a more regular sleeping schedule. That is one of the things the Mayo Clinic says people with chronic diseases need to do…get enough sleep.
So by not talking to Mr. B or playing the game, I actually went to bed at 10:50 pm last night. I honestly can’t remember the last time I went to bed before 12 am. It has been years!
Yesterday, I let Mr. B know that I wouldn’t be able to be online until Monday. I told him that he would need to play all my players. I told him it was because I wasn’t feeling well. Which is true…emotionally! Physically, I feel pretty much like I always do.
Achy, runny goopy eyes, tired, depression that comes and goes…
He asked if I could set the one player’s shield – the one he doesn’t have. I said I couldn’t because I didn’t have the device. Which is true since I was in the office. Then he asked if I was going to the hospital. And I said, I didn’t know where I was going.
Bad me for lying. I think I wanted to add a bit of drama to get him to care. BAD ME! Then I started worrying about lying and didn’t want something to happen for real. So I texted this morning saying only:
Please forgive me for being so manipulative, Lord. It is not behavior that I am proud of. I seem to do it when I am trying to separate from someone emotionally. It’s like I want to know they still care even while I am walking out the door. So, very, emotionally immature of me! Grrrrrrrr…
But the one good thing that came out of it is that since I wasn’t playing the game or talking on the IM app last night I was able to go to bed early. Those two things are definitely the culprits of my staying up late!
Once again, I am back to the word balance. I am so all or nothing, Lord! I remember when Ms. L prayed for balance over my life several years ago. I knew at the time that was exactly what I needed in my life. And now, I am back to that again.
As I was typing something came to my mind. I need to ask Your forgiveness for a couple of things. So that is how I am going to end my letter today.
God Stop: Lord, please forgive me for all the times that I step out of Your balance in my life. You have things perfectly balanced. Yet, when I choose to stray from You that balance gets skewed. Please help me not to stray.
Please forgive me for spending over $40k on a stupid game, Lord. What a waste of the money that You have given me. Help me to be a good steward of the financial blessings You have given me. Let me start thinking before I spend.
Please forgive me for manipulating Mr. B. I know it is a desperate attempt on my part to have him show me he cares. Help me to just see him as a an online friend…nothing more. Please renew my mind in regards to the cyber crush. Set me free from those feelings.
I LOVE YOU